I’m not there…yet.

I’m 31 years old, I don’t own a home, I’m not married, and I don’t have a children. Trust me when I say that can be the hardest thing to say out loud (or write down). When I take just a moment to look at how my life has played out thus far, it isn’t at all what I expected. As a teenager I thought I would have it all together by now. I thought I would have a loving husband, home, children running around, but I’m not there yet. I won’t lie, this reality has made me feel down and out many times. I can vividly remember crying and pleading with God to “just reveal my plan already”, I was so sick of waiting. I spent nights scanning the “perfect” social media relationships and found myself envious. What do those women have that I don’t? I hated running into people I hadn’t seen in a while because they always asked the same questions, you know the small talk questions like what do you do, where do you live, where’s your husband, do you have kids? I know these questions have never come from a mean place, but it use to get on my nerves. I would always think to myself how about we talk about all the things that make you feel insecure. Looking back, I can see how silly I was being. I was just so insecure the whole defense mechanism came into play. All along the answer was and still is so simple, I’m just not there yet. It’s taken years for me to be okay with that answer, but my life has drastically changed since I’ve accepted it. The thing is, God knows my hearts desires and will fulfill them in due time. Does that mean I sit back and “let go, let God”… HELL NO! You still have to work hard and take steps in the right direction, nothing is free. However, I have let go of the things that are out of my control. I’m so done questioning myself, because I am more than capable and completely lovable. The things I can control like how hard I work and becoming a better human being has taken the front seat in my life. I started a business from the ground up and that is something to be proud of, and I really am proud. No, I don’t own a home, but I do have a roof over my head. It’s a really precious roof too, I love where I live. No, I’m not married, but I’m being fiercely pursued by God each day and that is enough. No, I don’t have children, but I have two nephews and a niece who think their LuLu is the best. Just because your life isn’t exactly where you thought it would be, doesn’t mean it’s not a great life. When I stopped being envious and started thanking God for all the things I do have, I began to see just how much meaning my life has. Surround yourself with positive people, tell the people you love how you feel, have a drink, and take in every moment! I will forever be grateful for the journey even if I’m just not there yet.

Xoxo,

💋 Laura